succès d'estime

Musings On The Oddity of Cinema

what defines success... well... as i am about to go into school and enter the area at least of the epicenter of the industry of the west i figure it is the best time to start this. i shall speculate on what appears to me to be on some level absurd or amusing. in fact i shall ramble and you might read, i doubt it... but who cares. im just writing. emotional release perhaps. what defines success? i am looking in on the industry from the perspective of not only a nobody but a nobody who knows nothing about it from the inside. so i guess im saying... i should start this now before i actually learn anything. i view myself as a filmmaker, philosophically... but maybe in the future i will be one literally. so as of now, this is merely the noobs conceptual perspective on what he loves but does not know. and hopes to find if that love will turn sour as he begins to actually acquaint himself with it.

a film should speak for itself, but it is still entertaining to go behind the scenes and find out where it doesnt speak or where you dont listen (depending on your ego). i tend to enjoy the experience and the discovery of a story. but there is great confusion over whether story should dominate or whether audience appeal should dominate how the story is written and told. perhaps i should say that there was confusion. now the majority of directors have decided that success is numbers. and there maybe some joy in the process but that is the extent of a movie's success.

there are however those 'happy few' who strive for a higher level of storytelling. those who understand that money is necessary to live and to pay your cast, crew and other such associates but also realize that does not necessarily define success. now my argument is that success is relative to your vision. success being... the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. yes? so every director will judge his/her success on a different level than the thousands or few reporters who analyze his/her work. a filmmaker has vision and the success if the final product should be judged according to that vision. michael bay's transformers was obviously a success based on his obvious intentions. i need say no more. guillermo del toro's lower budget feature Devil's Backbone was a success based on his intentions but probly very few are familiar with the title. there is nothing wrong with raw entertainment or with huge explosions that could very well have possibly killed megan fox or the better looking optimus prime... but... that doesnt mean that there is no place for a variance of direction (in directing).

judging success on such specific terms is not accurate to the definition of success and i HATE it when words are abused on such a massive scale. (my blog hurts the eyes, doesnt it?). when you attack something, you need to attack it on its own terms. Success is a goal met, a goal completed. though this logic may make sense, some will say that since it is all so relative how can you judge the quality of a
director. how can you truly know his intentions for a film? that is a good point. but maybe success is the wrong word to use? if you want to judge a director on his ability as a story teller perhaps you might judge him on his critical acclaim? or if you would like to judge him on his ability to sell a movie, base it on his income? the point is... success is not what everyone thinks it is. now others will argue that the dictionary definition of success is also attaining popularity and profit. and this is true. but once again, success is relative to the standard on which you judge the subject. so there is no reason that gross income should be the only standard for success in cinema.

success should also be judged on the quality of the story. story will truly never die, the question is will it remain an afterthought to the average viewer. will ppl begin to realize that the true success of a feature film does not always rest in the digits, or the dollar signs. to paraphrase what i once read, story is a marvelous thing, hollywood is story as prostitution. but for realz... sometimes prostitution is really fun no matter how cheap it makes you feel (have you seen the prices for 3d these days?). its just pretty right? you give them money, they make your eyes happy. but it should never replace the real beautiful and original concept of story. maybe that doesnt raelly make sense but i think the point goes across. im not tryin to sound edgy, and i dont think hollywood is in any way committing anything as volatile as prostitution but it sorta does transfer. its all about instant gratification and no afterthought, no greater sense of walking away and feeling moved, feeling touched, inspired... a mainstream appeal feature will give as many ppl as it can as much of what they want which makes it so that the story itself retains no form or direction... people pleasing is for the weak of heart who lack resolve.

let the world judge as she may, i am not her's to enslave. and when i do submit myself to the authority of the majority of the audience i make a compromise. i have no freedom in my storytelling. writing on the basis of emotional appeal is in so many cases suicide. i have gotten quite side tracked here but i guess these are ramblings... do you ever watch a movie and know what you're supposed to be feeling but dont? thats what happens when writers present a 50 pg attempt at appealing to your emotions instead of writing for the sake of good story that isnt based on theories of whether 35 year old males will be too depresssed to take a romantic comedy seriously.

you define success. rember, im just a noob ;)

Taylor J. Gates (iguessyou already knew that)

Four Score and Seven

you bleed

and now this...

strong seed wilts...

and dies... or we think.

if you could try you would

but you only sink

and though we thought...

that you could...

you can't...

and as you bleed...

and sink...

we all laugh...

but your will is strong

far too strong to break

so here we'll laugh

as you die

from so much...

loss of blood

but you won't cry

you won't squeal

you know you need

you know you want

to make us stop

stop our laughing...

but we can't help it

stop? ourselves?

but surely you could...

you can see... we can't feel

the blood that you're losing...

so we steal your last...

long slow sad years

and take the moments

that you might use...

to speak your stomach...

we take this time...

and fill it...

with our laughter...

surrounding such as you...

lonely. dying. wretched.

we all see you...  yes we do...

preserving nothing...

but your smile...

we carry on...

so strong with in...

all our trust... all our love...

all our kindness... all our blood...

now we dance around your grave...

before we bury your hopeless soul...

we celebrate your collapse...

bleeding... and sinking...

screaming... and weeping...

you smile back... as we echo again...

our laughter (always) that never ends...

slowly you drown with in our joy.

your bones each break...

by the blows of our bile...

for as we drool... the froth gathers pace...

as giddy chatters increase...

the race begins to slow.

and grain by grain, the dirt it drops...

settling slowly on your bloody stains,

and long enduring smile...

your heart is tired... you're hurt...

now we take your possessions

and rape them of worth

we call all your loved ones

and they join in the laughter

we run in free form...

upon your still form...

as the last dirty specs...

of brown sand slowly settle...

we laugh till we die...

and our children step in...

to carry this burden...

giddy laughter till death...

and a dance on that grave...

the dirt will still pile...

and that life that we took...

though still living beneath...

will grow farther... and farther...

as the blind  follow suit...

as they were instructed...

its not what we wanted...

but they thrive in our faults...

so they.... will keep laughing...

lacking not shovels...

but merely the knowledge...

that they all deserved...

but each one was deprived...

it may have been our shame...

of who lay down there... 

so beaten... so bloodied...

so deep in the ground...

for our shame... and our pride...

we have sent them to rot...

to laugh on a grave stone...

till they pass away...

and so by our folly...

their offspring and wives...

will be damned just the same...

this all falls... all on us...

we who failed to dig...

it falls on us all...

those who laughed...

and who buried...

it falls down like a semi...

on us each... every one...

you now know... or you should...

that you stand... the culprit...

we... as a body... 

step by step... have become...

the sole founding fathers...

of earth... far from home...

The Ultimate Affair

The Ultimate Affair: Humanity and Sin

With eyes of piercing darkness

And teeth stained crimson red

Her clenched claws wield the weapon

That renders man now dead

She said that she would love him

She would be his to hold

But now that she has stabbed him

His heart is frozen cold

His happiness is done

And now she turns her back

She doesn’t want his love

‘Cause her heart is deathly black

Seducing him with words

He trusted in a theft

And now that she is gone

For man there’s nothing left

She’ll haunt him to the end

And though the end has come

She’ll live on in his mind

‘Till insanity has won

She always was a slut

She never stuck with one

She moved from man to man

And he was only one

He didn’t know her heart

He didn’t know her vice

He didn’t know that she

Would sell for higher price

He offered her himself

Upon her love he fed

But what he didn’t see

Was that she’d drop him dead

The player played the played

And judgment didn’t show

Sinner turned to winner

The righteous left to crow

She didn’t love his heart

But just to touch his skin

Thus ending the affair

A Twix humanity and sin

the Final Trial

The Final Trial

Betrothed to Satan’s daughter

Whose maiden name is lust

Mankind awaits its slaughter

Its beauty turned to dust

Slaves to sinful pleasure

And servants of deceit

Man’s self control will measure

The judgment that he meet

Pride consumes the hearts

That used to be so true

Tearing friends apart

All that’s left is you

The end is coming quickly

It’s ever drawing near

So stand and don’t you waver

For courage lacks all fear

You know that you must stand

And face it to the end

For then you’ll see Him say

“Well done my faithful friend”

This is the final test
There is no 2^nd go

If Hades you can best

Then heaven you will know

Standing at hell gates

This way you’ve never felt

Drained of all emotion

You watch your baby melt

Devastation hits you

Your lover’s in the fire

He cannot feel your warmth

Because the heat cannot go higher

You turn from him and see

Your brother, he is screaming

His flesh is falling from his bones

And for him there’s no redeeming

You scream unto the heavens

“Oh God why have you done this?”

His voice it shakes the floor

“Who betrayed me with kiss?”

“My son, don’t feel guilt

Just please don’t fall down

‘Cause this time there’s winners

Who will bear my crown

Don’t falter my son

Don’t die by the flame

This time I can’t save you

You’ll take your own blame

This time you must choose

Once and for all

Sin you must lose
Or succumb to the fall”

You stand up and scream

At all those around you

“Betrayers, deceivers

May you all burn through

He bent over back wards

Gave you every breathe

But you spit in his face

And now hell brings you death

He forgave all your sins

He helped you with hurt

But you only ignored him

And now here you burn

He loved you so much

He offered you freedom

But in return for his kindness

You ruthlessly beat him”

You turn from their cries

You’ve no more to say

But the king you despise

He stands in your way

His smile is rotting

And you draw your sword

Deflecting your blow

He calls on the horde

Surrounding you now

They thrash and they bite

Bloody and sore

You stand up and fight

Demons they fall

By the hand of your blade

The bodies they pile

And victor is made

You grab hold his scepter

And snap it in two

Then open the gate

And venture on through

There stands your father

He’s smiling proud

And as you embrace him

New peace you have found

Gradual Forthcomings

push thru darkness
stay unbroken
plow with purpose
nurse the choking
fall no further
come unbury
all your sinful
sanctuary
stumble standing
hold thee ready
rise up and firm
walk on steady
leave not the path
relight the fire
seek out the truth
never retire
find wisdom true
hear donkeys call
discover dreams
and let dreams fall
just set the pace
he'll pave the path
you be the pen
he'll do the math
believe in hope
do not define
let go of self
and snap pride's spine
breed no contempt
but that of sin
cut out your wrongs
or cut your shins
this painful walk
conceives this war
'tween fans of flesh
and sons of more
fractured families
trying to say
that they're the one
the only way

The Martyrs Forest

sick saddening sorrow and secret sins
bring to my heart it's beating and bleeding
dented and searching a lost hollow tin
pulsating lifeless orb of no meaning
a rotting assumption with out defense
cruelly taunted and shattered again
casualty watching fatality's tempts
knees with out skin to count the falls taken
sleeping in trees and walking in grass
where branches are burning and blades are such
a place where the dead are those who run fast
the living are slow and cold to the touch
from act of stabbing self most would recoil
but truth knows i'll burn with out blood to boil